5 things I have learned from my long-distance relationship

Relationships are hard to maintain, but long-distance ones are even harder to keep alive as not only there is a great distance between you and your partner, but there is also the fact that people constantly change which makes it more difficult for a relationship to last.

I moved to the United States six years ago, and as my boyfriend and I weren’t ready to give up on our relationship, we decided to try keeping ‘us’ alive via a long-distance relationship. Here are five things I learned during my three years in a long-distance relationship.

1. Communication is key.

Communication was key in keeping our relationship intact. We tried to talk to each other every day by phone; however, we soon found out that it was hard to find a common time to talk to each other because of the time difference of four hours. Because of that, we decided to talk to each other once every week, but make sure to keep our topics of conversations as personal as possible. Here is what I mean by that. Because we were so busy during the week, we both were physically and mentally strained during the week end and needed someone to talk to. We decided to be there for each other. By doing that, we forged an even deeper relationship.

2. Share your insecurities.

Because our relationship was long distance, our trust level quickly decreases as the time went on; but neither of use dared to speak about it because we feared how the other would think of us. We each thought about how easy to could be for the other to find a new partner. I was also constantly thinking about how much I was changing during that time, while my boyfriend was still back home, with the same environment, the same people and the same work. I feared that our relationship would become monotone, and that our relationship would soon wither away. I gradually stopped talking, and my boyfriend quickly noticed that. When he asked me about it, I shared all my insecurities with him, because I trusted that he would be there for me. He reassured me, telling me that I was not the only who felt that way, and that made me feel better.

3. Don’t judge each other.

As I mentioned earlier, I had insecurities about how we would both see the world as I was quickly changing in this new world. And I quickly realized that our view of societies was very different. I was trying to put my own views into my boyfriend, thinking that I was the only right one. It was my mother who made me realize that having a different mentality than your partner was fine, as it added something unique about us. Once I realized that, I changed how I viewed my boyfriend and stopped judging him for who he was.

4. Try to put yourself in the other’s shoes.

While I was studying at college, I never once though about how my boyfriend would be feeling. I was very busy during the week, and when the week end came, I was expecting all the attention from my boyfriend to drop on me. However, I forgot that he had his own schedule and that he was also working. And once his finished working, he needed some time for himself, but I was constantly asking for more attention. When he couldn’t talk to me, I immediately assumed that it was because he didn’t care for me. When he told me about his needs, I started feeling guilty as not once did I think about how he was dealing with the pressure. After that time, I tried to and still try to put myself in his shoes in any situations, to understand what he is going through before jumping to conclusion.

5. There will be hard times, and it’s up to you to get over that hardship.

Many people assume the best scenarios when they look at our social media posts, because we are always smiling and posting for the best pictures. But nobody truly tries to imagine what it is like to be in a long-distance relationship. After three years together, my boyfriend and I started to feel the strain that our relationship had cause on ourselves. We did go through some hard times during those three years, questioning our relationship over and over again, but we always managed to get passed those times, because we still felt that connection. However, after three years of managing a relationship over texts, calls and skype (yes, we used it), we felt that it was time for a break, during which we could both focus on ourselves, and figure out what we wanted out of life.

Bottom line, there is no one way of maintaining a relationship, and people find they own tricks through their experiences. I do hope that this blog gave you an insight of how to go through some hardships of long-distance relationships. I you have any tips on how to maintain a relationship or have been in a long-distance relationship, please feel free to share in the comments section!